It's been a long time since I posted my last update. We'll try not to let that happen again. It's awfully tempting to try to play catch up, but I have a feeling that won't be necessary as I'm sure the important stuff will find a way to resurface in my future writings.
A few things stand out about this week. My insolmnia for one. Distracted by the millions of little idea bugs dancing in my head, it was easy to overlook what all was causing me to be stressed.
As a result I havn't had occasion to dream much these past 10 days (except last night, which I'll write about separately). Furthermore, my productivity was shot. So today I treated myself to a nice long day of nothing. I barely got out of bed to make myself some tea.
Throughout this whole depression Tyler was demonstrably supportive. For a time I think he was more worried by my sudden insolmnia that I was. While most people I told weren't wholly unsympathetic, it was my boyfriend that really came through for me.
Typically it takes quite an effort to not sleep. By the time 5 or six am rolls around, if I havn't dropped dead from fatigue, I'm doomed to spend the rest of the day fighting off the "the zombie." And because it was so unusual for me to spend days on end not sleeping, I was starting to get concerned.
So Tyler made himself very available and attentive throughout all of it. He took a genuine interest in my well-being when I wasn't even aware I needed him to. And his interest paid off by helping me to discern and call out by name the various stresses in play that harrowed me.
I'm thankful to have someone who care's so much.
My thankfulness was affirmed later at a party that took place over a weekend, that Tyler and I both attended.
I remember being overwhelmed by the festivities. It was a razzle-dazzle birthday celebration for one of our attention-whoring good friends, marti-gras themed and populated by a colorful assortment of darlings all bedecked in glitter and beads. And a selection of food that disparaged all regard for the finest local eateries.
Of course, I immediately gravitated toward the "healthy" part of the kitchen, drawn by many tiny little fish filets each draped separately over a finger of rice. So I indulged, dispite the fact that I was full when I arrived.
Next to the sushi were the fortune cookies, which were disappearing as fast as people could be dissatisfied with their fortunes. So Tyler and Jessica and I make for a fortune cookie a-piece, and read them out loud in subsequential order, adding the essential -- and every bit as much unavoidable -- "between the sheets" remark at the end of each. Mine read:
"You stand in your own light. Make it shine brightly." - between the sheets.
Boy, that sure is a lonely place to be. Was my first thought.
I think attention, acheivement, success in any endeavor is only worth the trying if you've got someone to share it with. Besides, in the context of each of our lives, we personally do not make it on our own. We each have supporting actors, key players, crucial members without whose influences we would not be as we are. To stand purely in one's own light is only to let their part go unrecognized.
So the night went on, and near the end of it, when all the couples were crashed out on every cushy surface I peeked my eyes open to see a sight which which very muchly affirmed my previous thought. The birthday girl strewn over a heap of affectionairs that didn't even pretend to include her boyfriend.
I foresee a very lonely future for this girl as this is common behavior for her. I'm just glad fortune cookies are merely a representation of what could be, not what is. I for one definately do not stand in my own light, as the fortune cookie said, but stand suffused in the warmth of those about me.
There is another relationship which I have come to appreciate more and more over the years, and that is the relationship I have with my mom.
Meet one of the most important people in my life. The teacher, the adventurer, the therapist, the business woman -- my Mom.
She and I got together this week, which is always a welcome treat. A meeting with her always portends to be illuminating in some aspect or another of my life. She is more than a teacher by profession. She's a natural insight dispenser. And we satisfy the little philosopher in eachother.
Apparently she has become quite the advocate for this book I have listed elsewhere on the site, "Leaving A Trace." She's recommended it to half her friends by now, which means the word will have spread to fully one-third of the world's population by May cause she's Mormon.
We touched on politics and poetry, two favority topics of ours, and spoke unendingly of best business practices. That is I spoke unendingly of business, while she listened intently, I think. I have developed a conceptual model to meant to illustrate business growth which I will post here soonly. Anyone with even the remotest interest in business will be interested to see it, since it will describe and show in perfectly clear terms what stages business go through and what needs to take place for a business to grow.
My mom seemed to think it was revolutionary. We'll see, won't we?
Well, stay tuned and be rewarded my loyal audience!